It’s vital to distinguish authenticity from honesty in a mentoring relationship because mentorships work best when both parties achieve the kind of radical honesty that springs from authentic behavior. When honesty is a choice, the mentoring relationship is always one bad decision away from a roadblock. When both parties agree to be authentic in their interactions, honesty is unavoidable, planting the seeds for trust to flourish.
Imagine that a student asks her mentor about a time when they failed catastrophically. She may be concerned a similar fate awaits an upcoming decision, and she wants to know if she’ll bounce back.
An authentic response from the mentor wouldn’t gloss over important details of the story, even if they reflected poorly on the mentor. It would give a true accounting, not just of the facts, but also the mentor’s emotional states and how he or she reacted at the time. An authentic account, warts and all, helps the mentee know what to expect so that they’re properly aligned with reality.
Mentees should also strive for authenticity in their dealings. As an example, it’s important that their mentor know how they feel about milestones along their path. If they’re scared but choose to hide the reaction, the mentor may inadvertently push them into a situation they aren’t prepared for.
Similarly, if the mentee doesn’t share concerns about the quality of their mentorship because they’re afraid to hurt their mentor’s feelings, they’re wasting both party’s time. An authentic reaction would open the door to improving the relationship or deciding to move on to more profitable arrangements.