Handling conflict

Section 1 : How to handle conflicts correctly

If possible, you should always handle conflicts face-to-face. Emails and other written forms of communication are too easy to misinterpret. This can lead to heightened tensions and a further fraying of the relationship.

It’s good to decide ahead of time how the mentorship will handle conflicts so that each party knows how to broach issues effectively. You can choose a venue, set ground rules, and decide how you’ll hold each other accountable.

Once the discussion begins, both mentor and mentee should keep a few fundamental principles in mind.

• You may be convinced that you’re right (and you may be) but listen to the other person as if you aren’t. That will help you hear them. Otherwise, you’ll likely think about your responses the entire time they’re talking. More importantly, when you listen with the assumption that you’re wrong, you’re more open to the possibility — and you could be wrong.
• Mentees and mentors play different roles in the relationship, but where it matters, they’re equals. To work through conflicts, both need to express themselves honestly and respectfully.
• Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is how we clean up our messes. Both people should take responsibility for their part in the conflict and work together to find a resolution.
• Lean on previous victories. If the mentorship was working well before the current conflict, you’ve built the necessary trust to find a way forward. Remember what the mentorship has meant to you so far, and use this as a motivation to do the work required to keep it healthy.
• Be collaborative with your solution. Even if only one party is disgruntled, the conflict affects both of you. Work together to find a solution that’s in the best interest of the mentorship.